I mean, it turns out my oldest daughter, my first baby, has a pouch. She’s a marsupial. Apparently.
That was not the news I was expecting to learn today.
Welcome to my new blog, btw. This is the very first post. I was working on a piece about why second place is for winners since that’s the title of this place and all, but hey…when you find out your daughter is a marsupial, that’s the story that’s get the lead. So about that…
We (meaning her doctors, parents, soon-to-be in laws, and fiancee) ALL thought that Madison (the aforementioned marsupial) was afflicted with endometriosis. That diagnosis was all but set in stone, but they first needed to do exploratory surgery to confirm, and then they were going to deal with what they found once inside. That was today. Early this morning to be exact, and they went in and found out some great news:
Madison does NOT have endometriosis to pretty much the shock of all involved, not the least of which – the marsupial. In fact, she was pretty crushed to find this out, because she was super hopeful that today was the day that all the pain and suffering stopped. She’s been in sometimes agony for a good long while, and she had pinned a lot of hopes on this being a successful surgery and her being healed. It seems odd to be sad to learn that you don’t have a condition that women dread, and that her future choices of reproduction are clear for takeoff. But constant pain makes it difficult to find the silver linings, to which there are many.
However, while the doctor was in there, he found something he personally has never seen before in this procedure. Swell. Leave it to me or mine to be the oddballs that have something weird inside of them. It runs in the family. Once in my late teens I had to endure weeks of doctors believing I had leukemia (and me thinking I was going to die), only to find out that I had/have some sort of mild blood disorder that makes my blood clot slower than normal. It clots, just not as fast as a normal person I guess. After all the drama they wound up labeling it this phrase which I’ve had memorized since I was 19 – “Mild platelet function disorder not well determined.” That’s the exact wording, and exactly what a surgeon should know if I ever need to be sliced up on the table. It’s the “not well determined” part that makes me laugh, because here is my daughter baffling the doctor just like Daddy. A chip off the old block.
So what was it? The doctor said it was like a pouch attached to her bladder. Hence the reason why I’ve now labeled her a – marsupial.
He said it’s not cancerous or anything like that, but he has no idea what it is, and he’s sending her to a urologist. This particular episode in our family history will continue on it seems.
My daughter has a pouch. That’s pretty cool, at least I think. I want a pouch. Not on the inside like that, but I’d for sure take one somewhere on the outside of my body. But that’s just me. At the marsupial’s service right now is her whole family and soon married family working on different angles of this situation, but my job? That’s to be the Daddy who hears all of this and doesn’t hear doom…
He just knows the Lord has this covered however it’s supposed to go, and he hears the word pouch and decides to label her a – marsupial. And Madison would expect nothing less from Daddy in this moment. Somebody has to lighten the mood 🙂
In my world the time frame between May and August is – Adventure Season. I will be 55 years old this July, and I figure there are only so many years left in my body to do all the things I love to do without limitations. In current state, I am as good to go as I was in my 20’s and 30’s, so in Spring/Summer you’ll usually find me off somewhere. And recently that somewhere was sitting in a favorite restaurant in Savannah, GA with my daughter and her fiancé. Flock to the Wok is its name, and I really dig their vibe. After the meal we received the traditional fortune cookie and mine said…
Your fondest dream will come true within this year.
That’s quite the bold prediction there, Mr Fortune Cookie! Which has left me now with the question rolling through my head: What exactly IS my fondest dream?
Fondest is a very specific description. The fortune doesn’t say, outrageous dream, or riskiest dream, or even most far-fetched dream. It’s the dream nearest and dearest to my heart. After breaking my fond dreams down, I’ve come up with three…
To become a grandfather.
Design and build a mountain cabin in my home state of North Carolina.
When my wife and I have to die that we do so peacefully in our sleep together holding hands. (This can also be considered in the far-fetched column, but it’s for sure a fond dream, too).
The fortune also says that said dream will come true within THIS year. Sooooooo, let’s rule out option 3 because I ain’t trying to be dying any time soon. That leaves either Grandpa (I shall be called PopPop from that time forward), or the mountain cabin. I mean, I’m totally down with either coming true this year, and both are actual possibilities. The same daughter I was reading this fortune to is getting married October 23rd IN those same mountains I dream about. But there is no way she’s birthing a baby within this year unless they aren’t telling me something! Highly doubtful.
By process of elimination that leaves it to the mountain cabin. We currently have no plans in that area, and my bridal unit lady has instead been searching for her fondest dream, which is ocean property. I’m writing this piece for posterity. If this fortune comes true I’ll be sure to let you know. I put no stock in the power of randomly picking up a cheap cookie and its message being real. But hey…
My fondest dream is on the line here!
Do you know what your fondest dream(s) are? It’s pretty healthy to break it down like I have if you need something to do.
My eldest daughter at Kerry Park in Seattle, WA 2019
“A mind that is stretchedby a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
With Covid restrictions on the wane in America, and the summer season right on the doorstep, now is the perfect time to come out of the darkness and confinement of the past year, and emerge as a better version of the person you were before the pandemic. One way to further develop that better version of – you – is to boldly get yourself back out there with a solo adventure!
Although I’m happily married and have a family, I’ve made an intentional point the past 10 years of my life to regularly go on adventurous experiences alone. I am planning my next that is coming up in just a few weeks. To be sure, it requires discipline, trust within your relationships, and personal integrity to do that successfully. There must be valid reasons and benefits to solo travel. So what might some of those be? Here are 5 Ways Solo Adventure Will Make Your Life Better…
GROW YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE
A common fear amongst us humans is to feel alone and isolated. Yet, if we intentionally put ourselves in that situation we are forced to face that fear and learn to overcome. Solo travel is a most excellent way to grow your self-confidence if you embrace the opportunity. For instance, no one likes to eat alone in a restaurant. However, it’s very liberating to do so, and the satisfaction of actually having a good time with yourself enjoying a meal is super rewarding. Hint: Be selective in where you choose to eat. Don’t go to romantic/date night restaurant. Pick the diners/drive in’s/dives type places. They are welcoming and always have an “everyone is family” atmosphere. Face that fear and be proud of yourself!
INSTILLS VALUABLE ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS
When we travel with others that means we also travel with all their ideas and plans. But when a person travels alone every detail is left to them to organize. This can be daunting, especially for those that are used to having someone else taking care of all the organizing. Over the years I have become quite skilled at adventure planning, and I learned every bit of it from the experiences of my solo trips. Site locations, transportation, lodging, meals, what to do, costs…all that goes into a well-planned event, was left to me. Guess what? Those skills have spilled over into my real life, too, and this once fly by the seat of my pants artist type became a highly organized and efficient master of getting the most out of my days. There is no way I would’ve ever learned to lose over 50 pounds and walk 6 miles a day, and do everything else I do with success, before I learned how to maximize time with organization. What a fun way to learn a highly useful life skill!
DEEPER AWARENESS OF PERSONAL LIKES/DISLIKES
To find our tribe as they say, or our spouse, or pick a career, where we want to live, and all that goes into whether we like and enjoy our lives, or we are miserable, we had better be highly tuned into our own personal likes and dislikes. Most people are not. Solo adventuring will develop your awareness of what actually makes you tick. For me, I have very particular types of activities that make me extremely happy, like hiking an uncrowded trail, or sitting up at 6000 feet elevation feeling like I’m in heaven with God. Other people are much more joyful in a city landscape, shopping unique stores, and bar-hopping. It’s all good, but you need to learn what makes you sincerely happy, and that will help you make better life decisions across the board when you expand that type of thinking.
ENHANCES SELF-RELIANCE
Everyone should be able to stand on their own two feet, which is a figure of speech of course, but is important imagery. Life is hard and we can’t always be reliant on others to carry us along. We must learn to do for ourselves. We learned from Covid that life can change in an instant, so we had better be adaptable and capable to deal with life that can turn on a dime. When we get ourselves out of our comfort zones and get out into unfamiliar territory all by ourselves, the need to be self-reliant is magnified on high and that skill will be greatly enhanced by each experience.
SOLO TRAVEL HEIGHTENS AND HONES ALL THE SENSES
We are created with an array of senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. For some that practice heightening and honing the senses, we learn that our capabilities can expand beyond the normal application of those things. When I’m walking in nature I will train my ears to hear sounds and activity that are normally just white noise in my daily life. I can hear the birds and animals, the wind darting and cutting. It’s beautiful. Traveling solo affords a person the opportunity and gift to be without distraction, and to earnestly seek to heighten and hone their individual senses. The taste of something exquisite can linger in your mouth and be examined without the talking of someone across from you. Sights can be truly admired and their awe can fill your soul. The smells of nature and landscapes can shock you and inspire you. And the touch of a leaf gently grazing against the back of your neck as you walk by can feel like the hand of an angel wishing you well.
It is important and natural that we spend time alone so that we can grow into everything God has created us to be. The most fun way to do that? Solo Adventures! So get out there and have yourself a wonderful summer 🙂
An alpha seagull running off a beta for a spot right in front of my chair May 2021
I am a diplomat by nature. What does that mean exactly? It means that organizational success (family, team, nation, whatever) depends on big picture seeing people that can bridge together the best of the whole to create a better than expected outcome for all involved. That requires nuance, and nuance is not something being taught to people anymore. A diplomat will rarely show full alpha because it creates enemies, and enemies create more problems. To win….you do so from second place. Hence the site name.
Ironically, I’ve never met a true diplomatic person that didn’t intend to come out on top in everything, which is an alpha quality. What distinguishes the diplomat from the glory seeker is…the exclusion of the getting the glory. We don’t care about that. We care about EVERYONE WINNING.
When everyone wins, we win, and usually in a grand fashion. But few will ever know the hand we had in the victory. That’s the key to diplomacy…you’re not the winner, even though you are, and you’re left with the cover of beta and move to the next task. Let the “alpha” take the victory laps and be put on the pedestal. A diplomat knows not to get on those things because as soon as you do they start plotting to knock you off. Get it?
Humans are not elk or packs of sled dogs. We do not function at maximum potential that way. If you’re a team of sled dogs you must have an alpha that leads and the others that follow even to death. We humans? It’s far more complicated than that. It must be nuanced.
Do you want to start seeing real victories for your family? Real success in your business?
Here are 7 Ways to Alpha While Disguised as Beta…
Generous and Impactful Giving Done Quietly
Extremely wealthy people give away a lot of money. That helps us all, but they do it often for nefarious reasons: tax shelters, influence pedaling, and always….for the glory. They want to build their legacy on earth. The hospital wing with their name on it, or the beautiful park with their last name. We want to build our legacy and store our treasures in heaven, not on earth, so we give extremely generously, but few will ever see what’s being done.
When you have the ability to give away your resources (money), your time, or your talent, give without hesitation and do so as impactful as possible. Give directly to the target you wish to receive. You don’t need a vast organization doing that for you, skimming heavy off the top as they do, and playing favorites as to where your money goes. If you see a need, you give directly to that need, person to person, you ask for nothing in return, and you do not publicize the transaction. That’s some super alpha stuff from beta position.
2. Always Put Your Family Above Yourself
Want to alpha your family? Then their needs always trump your own, and their success is your success. There has never been a dad that led from second place that lost his family. In this country of divorce and broken up families, the ones that thrive and survive are led by people that place the need of the family above their own glory and personal achievement. I once had a group of men younger than me in my minivan (at that time) as they had invited me to go to a concert with them. This one guy at least 15 years younger than me asked, “This is a sweet setup but how do you deal with people seeing you drive this thing?” My reply to him was, “Son, they never see me coming. And that’s just the way I want it.” He LOVED that answer, and that’s how you win. Screw what other people think. Your goal is for your family to come out together and on top.
3. Be and Essential Cog in Something Bigger Than Yourself
There are things that are created just to make money, and there are things being created that serve and change lives. The latter requires alphas disguised as betas to be effective. For instance, I served as a drummer in church worship bands for 20 years. There is zero earthly glory involved and zero money doing that on a small church level. But the relationships that were built, the music that was created, and the product we put out for a congregation to worship God, was very real and very very good. I was essential in those teams but only because I knew what we were actually doing…serving in something far bigger than ourselves. Do those kind of things.
4. Shun the Glory
This is becoming a repeating theme yes? Want to really win? That glory is not for you. Always give it away. Whenever I accept glory it always comes back to bite me right in the bleep. Every single time. Alphas have large egos, so if you feed that ego whatsoever it grows too large to control. Pride goes before the fall, remember? Shun the glory.
5. Accept Righteous Discipline Even When it Hurts Badly
This is a big stumbling block for many men and women. When God disciplines us, or sends trusted people around us to do so, we reject that discipline and lash out. Terrible move. That alpha voice says, “How dare you say that to me?” But our hearts know it’s right and that we are being destructive to ourselves and those that depend on us. When I finally began to listen to the voices trying to teach me discipline and give me the straight shooting talk I needed to hear, my life turned around dramatically. Want to be convicted? Read a chapter of Proverbs every day of your life. You’ll learn just how wrong you’ve been.
6. Spend Your Resources on Memories and Not Status Symbols
The supposed alpha move is to buy that fancy sports car that says you’ve made it, or to dump your partner that helped you get there, and bring on a trophy spouse that turns heads when you walk in a room. Hint: that’s not alpha, that’s just punk moves made by punks. That’s not you. Want to do something special with the rewards you’ve earned? Create memories with them. Go on adventures with your wife or husband, rekindle that spark that brought you together. Take your family somewhere magical where you can bond. Do things that matter with your resources, but for God sakes don’t trade the rewards for all that hard work for fool’s gold that destroys everything that got you there.
7. Create a Life True to Yourself
This goes back to nuance. It’s imperative that we know our own strengths and weaknesses and we give ourselves the best opportunity for success. I’d love to be a superstar singer songwriter. I’m not. I suck at both singing and guitar, and I’ve tried multiple times not to suck at them. Ha. But, I’m a great drummer. Accepting who we are and what we are made to do best is the key to a life that we feel good about at the end of the day. An alpha mentality would never settle for anything but being the one that’s out front and leading with glory. A real alpha always stays true to himself even when it’s in a beta position and he rocks it.
I hope someone finds this helpful and it makes sense. Just jotting down some thoughts while on the beach this week 🙂
Me taking in the aftermath of sunset Indian Rocks Beach, FL May 2021
I know, I know…it’s supposed to be a time of intense hardship in the world. Pandemics, wars, financial madness, etc etc. We’re supposed to be scared. Terrified. Hiding. Absorbing the gloom. Gotta tell ya…that’s just not me. I can get in there and be gloomy for a little bit, but my default soon takes over. I believe in the great things coming, and I see the great things already here, and I have a happy heart.
Thank you, God, for making me this way. I’m goofy to a fault, I sing around the house almost constantly (and badly), and often those songs are Christmas tunes. Such as, Jingle Bells, which got in my head as an ear worm when I was about 5 years old, and 50 years later is still there. I go around singing Jingle Bells year round. Like some sort of psychopath. Speaking of Jingle Bells, did you know that it was written by a music pastor at a church in Savannah, GA? It’s true, and that church is still there and you can visit it….it’s called “The Jingle Bell Church.” My oldest daughter lives there (in Savannah) so I’ve walked by it dozens of times. You wouldn’t expect that it came from Savannah of all places. I thought it came from the North Pole…anyway….
If you pay attention, there is greatness all around us. I like to think of it as God’s Kingdom already come, but I don’t really know. But I do know that it’s of God, by God, and sent with love from God. Such as this fever of stingrays I came upon this afternoon while walking on the beach…
Stingrays in the shallows at Indian Rock Beach, FL May 2021
Or this bloom that’s right outside the door of the cottage I’m making my home this week…
Makes me smile
Those are great things. And they are EVERYWHERE.
Greatness can and is found all around us in both the living things, and also the circumstances we find ourselves. Right now, I fully realize it’s much easier to see the greatness in the circumstances of this week, but I’m like that all weeks and not just this one. For example, the Rona…
The Rona Pandemic has been a tremendous blessing to my life in a multitude of ways. Number one among them is that my wife now works at home and is with me all the time, and as far as we’re concerned, we have no plans to ever go back to how it was before. We are very happy this way. Like giddy happy, and that wouldn’t have happened if there were never a pandemic that forced it to be that way. If the world thinks we are going back to 45 minute each way commutes in horrible heavy traffic to sit in some office all day, the world made a big mistake in showing us how it can really be. Great things came from the Pandemic.
Great things will keep coming in abundance. Can you see them?
The Angry South Carolina Coast on an August 2020 Evening
Earlier this week I received a private message from a worried mom asking for advice on what to say to her faith-doubting teenage daughter. Her child is going through the process of confirmation and is rightfully thinking very seriously about whether she truly believes. The first issue she’s having is easy to diagnose because she was adopted and has a sense of abandonment lingering in her soul. Added to that is a very common to all people stumbling block that separates humans from their creator – “Why is the world so cruel?”
There is an easy standard answer to that – GOD GAVE US FREE WILL.
It’s really that simple as to why this world can be such a harsh desolate place. As a creation we were given free will to choose our destiny. We (humans) were brought into a perfect creation directly in His presence, but were given free will to choose what was forbidden if that’s what we wanted. You know the rest of the story. Why are we this way that we can never be satisfied with the perfection of God? That’s something that is part of the mystery that belongs only to the Lord, but our free will is not a mystery. We consistently choose against God. All of us.
Hence the need of the Lamb of God on the cross, and the risen Christ that has reconciled us back to the Father. “See, I am doing a new thing,” God says to us. “You choose the world over me, but I love you so deeply I have created a new path to bring you home.” This is what her daughter will be choosing to confirm her faith or not – Does she believe Jesus has done this for her?
The way this world is right now? This is not new, we are just the ones temporarily living here at the moment. This is how it’s always been. Greed, jealousy, envy, thirst for power…they rage over the earth killing, raping, and oppressing, and that is NOT our Lord’s doing, it’s the doing of our free will. The will of God is that we live perfectly in love and peace with Him. It is our will that we don’t find that good enough. James talked about this a few thousand years ago in James 4: 1-10…
“What causes fights and quarrelsamong you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God,and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
James is speaking to our free will. It was no different when he spoke that than it is right now, and his words apply directly to now as they did then. Do we choose God or do we choose the world? It’s that simple.
There does not exist an actual Christian that has not had that moment when they grieve, mourn and wail. When their laughter turns to mourning, and their joy to gloom. When the Spirit came to me that’s exactly what happened. My salvation – my breaking from the world and choosing God – was a process of breaking me down and relinquishing my free will so that I may LIVE. That process climaxed at well over 5000 feet elevation on a mountain summit in North Carolina. Left completely breathless and broken on that summit, I finally submitted to the authority of God. I had run from him for 4 plus decades and it ended that day.
What happened to me? The Lord then lifted me up. As promised. Here I am today.
Why is the world so cruel? It’s us. It’s you. It’s me. It’s the daughter of my friend. WE are why the world is so cruel, and that world is no friend of ours that have been rescued.
Our job? Those ransomed by the cross and resurrection? Is to bring more with us. The world is not going to change until Jesus returns. Until then…
Turn your light on and get busy. A cruel world is in desperation for His grace and hope. Have a beautiful Sunday 🙂
11 Year Quiet Me with my Larger than Life Dad Soaking in the Side of a Steep Mountain (notice the proper favorite sports team shirt being worn if you’re paying attention to the progression of this blog)
To begin with, you have to know that I’m not an early morning person. I’m certainly a morning person, but not an early morning person, and there’s a big difference between the two. That said, I belong to a Bible study group that meets on Thursday mornings at 6:30 am.
6:30 AM
In order to wake up, get a few cups of coffee in me, do a word puzzle or two to get the juices flowing, shower, and then drive the 15 minutes, I need to wake up at the latest by 5 am. This particular morning it was 4:30 am. I woke up, like 54 year old men often do, needing to pee, and since it was already 4:30 I figured I might as well just get up and start the process. It was a very early start to the day. I’m not a raccoon scurrying about in the dark all giddy looking for adventure. I’m a bear, and bears hibernate when they’re supposed to. Ha! Anyway…
These 6:30 am meetings aren’t just lighthearted affairs and chit chat stuff. Nah. It gets really deep really fast. For me, that kinda thing is better saved for say past 11 am, but it is what it is, and I like the group a lot and that’s when the crazy sons of guns meet. What can I do? Now you know the context….
I was taken aback at the meeting this morning when about 3/4th’s into the discussion our group leader called me out for being “quiet” today. “Say what?” Man, I can’t remember the last time someone called me out for being quiet. It’s a super rare event. It wasn’t always that way and I’ll get to that in just a second. But nowadays, I mentally have to force myself to say less because if I didn’t I would never shut up. In fact, in that meeting this morning, I had an entire lecture on the topic that I was building in my head. Like, I could’ve rambled on for a good 10-15 minutes just on what I had constructed by the time he said that. I was literally forcing myself not to talk. Lol. It’s a pretty big group and we don’t have time for Gary’s to go on long lectures, even if it would’ve been interesting. So that, along with the aforementioned 4:30 wake up, was the reason I was “quiet.” But once upon a time…
They couldn’t get me hardly to say a word. About the only person I’d really talk to was my mom, and besides her, a girl I knew from birth to about 6 years old, Laurie Newsome. I talked to them, a lot, but few others. It used to drive my teachers crazy. From Kindergarten all the way through High School, my mom would each year get notes from teachers saying this about me:
“Gary is well-mannered and kind. BUT, he’s very quiet. I can’t get him to talk.”
Boy, has that ever changed! I am forever trying to explain to my wife and two daughters that at my essence I’m actually extremely shy. They don’t buy a single word of it, because they see the me that talks to pretty much everyone. The people in the elevator, the waitress, the cashier, the person standing in line waiting for the cashier…I mean, I chat up people all the time and that’s the me they know. They’ve never seen that other person.
The first time I had a sleepover with a friend that would wind up being one of my lifelong best friends I was in 4th grade, and I was terrified to go because I had no clue what I could possibly have to say to that person for that many hours. I think God put him in my life for that exact reason, because he wasn’t that way – at all – and was outgoing and popular, and for whatever reason, he just saw something in me and we got along great. We were close as two peas in pod from that moment all the way through graduation. My childhood would have likely been far more boring if we had never become friends, and I wouldn’t be the chatterbox that I am now without him coaxing me out of my protective shell. That kid in the picture up there was that really quiet, well-mannered, polite kid.
I’m still well-mannered, polite and kind (most of the time), but with the exception of this morning, it’s rare for someone to say that I’m quiet. Felt good to hear! Like an old buddy came back to visit me or something 🙂
Scripture has a lot to say about the wisdom of holding our tongues, and I absorb that wisdom on the regular. I’ve become quite adept at keeping my political thoughts to myself, and I do not engage in public debates and forums that are contentious. I steer clear, which is a skill I learned the hard way by – not – steering clear. I save my words for encouragement, or humor, or regular talk with family and friends, for here and my other online endeavors, and for of course, nocturnal Bible studies.
Do you talk too much? Take this wisdom and consider it, and I will have come to an actual point of writing this post if you do….
Proverbs 17: 27-28…The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Oh, just me being a scarecrow in a massive lavender farm in Mt. Hood, Oregon. Definitely a stress buster!
Congratulations, World! It doesn’t matter who, where or what you are, you’re living in the most overwhelming, sensory overload, period in world history. (Disclaimer: I have zero scientific evidence to back that up but we all know it).
If we are going to stay relatively sane we had better start mastering mental health techniques that keep us grounded. There’s nothing we can individually do to stop global pandemics, wars, wild financial markets, robot revolutions, political wars and ideological battles, or Karen from yelling at us. However…
There’s plenty we can do to help ourselves when get flat overwhelmed by the nonstop rush of doom that is the 2020’s. This isn’t all of them (in fact, I’d love you to add even more to the comment section if you felt so inclined), but here are 5 that I put into practice nearly every day. Stay sane! I care about y’all 🙂
VIGOROUS EXERCISE
I walk on average about 6 miles a day. That’s the best way I know to get out all that anxiety that builds up from doomscrolling Twitter, or seeing the latest bad news, or just the stress of life in general. I get up and I walk…and I’m not talking about strolling along gingerly. I mean – WALK. Get those heart beats up in the fat burn/cardio zones, burn some calories, and melt the anxiety. However you like to vigorously exercise? Don’t be lazy. It’s notjust good body health, it’s great for your mental health, too.
GIVE SOMETHING(S) AWAY
As I mentioned on my first Sunday Sermon post on this site, I read Proverbs each day. There’s a whole lot in there about the power of giving. Here’s a favorite…
Proverbs 11:25: “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”
That’s how all of this is supposed to work ya know. As Billy Graham used to say, “We are not cisterns made for hoarding, we are channels made for sharing.” Blessings flow into us, we absorb what we need, and then we allow the rest to flow outward to others. When we give of our resources, our time, our encouragement, our compassion, our empathy? We are not just refreshing someone else, but we ourselves are being greatly replenished, too. Understand?
BE WITH THE PEOPLE THAT TRULY LOVE YOU
It’s hard to believe I know, but most people in our lives (mine and yours) don’t really care about our issues. They have their own problems, their own issues, and they are in the same overwhelmed boat as us. We can’t expect them to be able to take on ours. What to do? We open up and spend real time with the people that truly love us. For me, that’s my wife. She’s my everything in that regard, understands me better than anyone else on this planet, and she knows how to get my ship sailing right again. Often times all it takes is me laying my head in her lap while we watch something and her gently stroking my hair. Do you know who your person or people are?
YOU’RE NOT AN ANDROID, YOU HAVE REAL EMOTIONS AND IT’S NORMAL
We’ve got to stop beating ourselves up and feeling “weak” or “soft” when we get overwhelmed or filled with anxiety. I’m more sensitive than most men, both otherwise, I’m your typical dude, and we come equipped with societal warnings not to show weakness. That? Has caused a whole lot of early deaths in our culture. It just tears apart the body and mind holding all that in without acknowledging its existence. You are a God-created human being, and he created every single one of the emotions you feel. They have a deeper purpose which is…we GROW. Cut yourself some slack.
MAKE LISTS AND FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME
Multitasking is so overrated. It’s often necessary in this era because most of us wear about ten different hats of responsibilities at any given time. We’ve become a stressed out bunch of jacks of all trades, but masters of none. With all the incredible technology that comes with an iPhone, my favorite part is the – Notes. That simple little notepad that comes with your phone. I love that thing, and I utilize it to max low-tech potential. If you’ve got a lot on your plate regarding any topic at all? Make a list and just start knocking them off one by one, and do each one well. That’s a master level skill. Let others brag about their multitasking, which is usually a pretty facade that hides a house of chaos. You just get the job done right one thing at a time.
Did you find this article helpful? Let me know in the comments. I am still creating and brainstorming what this site will be, and I know this type of article should be a big part. Y’all have a great day 🙂
The primary objective I have with both people and things that I encounter is to discover their true essence. I abhor facades, am able to see through most of them, and will not be sticking around long when I can’t get to what’s real. Alleys, backdoors, back roads…that’s where my soul is drawn. If I’m talking with another human and they are fronting me more than the usual amount that we all front, my interest will quickly wane, and the same applies to places and things. For instance, as a kid I loved theme parks. But as a grown man, give me a natural park full of blooming azaleas, or a mountain hike full of blazing Autumn colors any day over a fake creation that charges me 2.4 billion dollars for the privilege of walking in its fake malarkey.
Alleys are peeps into the fullness of a place. That’s where the trash goes, the cook and a waitress go to smoke on their break, it’s where staff (or people that don’t want to draw attention out front) come and go, and basically, an entirely different world within the world out front is taking place. I dig that. I want to know that world, too. If I’m going to love something, like a city or a street, I want to see the ugly, too, not just the beauty. I want to see the whole picture. Which brings me to the Governor…
For the first time since my youngest daughter began attending Florida State University, I was exploring downtown Tallahassee last week. It was the end of her first year and I was there to move her out of the dorms. I have now seen and walked most of the beautiful campus, and I’ve attended a football game (though in 2020 and both the team and Covid made that a huge disappointment). I now have a good feeling for the essence of the university and I like it. Although, the dorms provide a great example of what I’m talking about here. She was in one of the newer constructed buildings and it had a pretty and fancy name, and from the outside its construction was pleasing and pleasant to the eyes. But on the inside it might as well be a prison. The outward beauty only conceals the cold uninspired interior, and that is what I’m always digging to find out. Is this person or place gold, or are they/it just fool’s gold? That dorm is fool’s gold, but it was paid for and got the job done for one strange year during a global pandemic. Next year she’ll have better accommodations and a more blossoming experience. At least that’s my hope. So anyway…my hotel was right in the heart of Florida’s Capitol, and I took a long morning walk to see what makes this place tick. I very much enjoyed myself!
There are many cool little alleys in between the buildings and side streets, such as the one I am using as the cover photo for this article, which is a beautiful use of such an otherwise tiny dark space. And then from the other side of the street I spotted a wider alley that looked like it had a lot of character, so I made my way across the crosswalk and headed that way to take some photos. When I turned the corner to look into that alley, there was a well dressed man carrying a briefcase walking towards me. I saw him, looked away, and then did a sharp double-take…
“Hold on…is that the Governor???” When I did that double take, the man, whomever he actually was, Governor or no, smiled in that way that famous people do when they know they’ve been recognized. Here’s the part where I’m now kicking myself…
My default mode of operation in a circumstance like that is to just mind my own business and keep on strolling. And that’s exactly what I did. But the more I thought about it, the more I wish I was more obnoxious and would have just gawked long enough to determine if that was really him, because the circumstances hold a lot of evidence to the very real possibility that it was. I was in the area where all the government business is going on, that alley was very well taken care and looked like a shortcut that important people use to move around without easily being seen, and just the way he looked at me when I double-taked as I noted, which was acknowledging I recognized him. He was all alone, which would be unusual for a Governor, but that’s the greatness of alleys. “I’m just going 30 ft down the alley. You can relax. I’ll be right back,” he probably said to the security. Who knows, but in my head, that was the Governor I’m nearly certain.
And if I was more aggressive? It would be a selfie of me and the Governor of Florida as the headline of this piece, and not another alley that isn’t even part of this story. That guy very well might be President one day (DO NOT BOMBARD ME WITH POLITICAL COMMENTS – I’m just telling a story here) and I could’ve had a rare pic like that. Ah well….but it just proves the point. Alleys are magical. You just never know what’s going to go down in the alley. The next time you walk by one take a little peek. You might see a huge cat. Some cool art. Maybe even a dadgum major political figure 🙂
Gary A
BONUS ALLEY COVERAGE…
This is my favorite alley in the world – the alley between the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, TN and Tootsies Orchid Lounge. Nowadays it’s pretty well known and even has its own neon sign as shown above. However, I’ve been hanging out in that space when I’m in Nashville since I was 19 years old. What makes it unique is (in magic alley style) famous people come into the Ryman often through the side door located there, and back in the day, a lot of the stars that would be performing that night would pop over through the alley to Tootsies to get a quick beer or whatever. It’s a really cool spot. The reason I started hanging out there had nothing to do with stars. I just really hate slammed to the rafters tiny places, and Tootsies is always slammed to the rafters. I love the bar, I just can’t take that tight of crowd for too long. So, almost every time I’ve ever been there, eventually I’ll work my way through the throngs and out into that alley. I love it out there.
You can still see and hear the band playing on that floor as it’s open air looking in from the drummer’s pov (which being a drummer, I find cool). You have plenty of elbow room and can actually breathe. And best of all, there are always people out there smoking (because it’s an alley) and some of the best bar conversations with strangers I’ve had happened right there. I have a blast every time. My brother always has to come looking for me when he wants to move on down the street, but he always knows where I’m going to be. Right there in that alley, and usually in an animated conversation with a group of people.
Myself at “my spot” on Grandfather Mountain Oct 2020
Matthew 5: 14-16 (Jesus Speaking)…”You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
The world seems worse now, right? Most people feel that way and for plenty of good reasons. Horrors both real and fabricated fill up our media sources no matter which ones we use. It’s inescapable, the horror, the divisions, the shaming, the accusations, the name calling, the labeling, the violence…all of the crazy. It fills our lives through media. But is the world really worse now than before?
The answer depends on which lens we view life and the world from: Through the eyes of God via the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, or through the sin corrupted eyes of humankind, that perpetuate lie upon lie into a continuous false reality to fit any given era. The latter of which is comprised of all media.
In short, if you’re secular, and where I am in the United States, that’s a quickly growing majority, then yes, the world is worse now. Why? Because the infamous they want it to be. The usual gang of puppet masters, secret clubs, world shakers, and whatnots, that conspire to shape the world into something more desirable to their tastes. Currently, they are shaping a future where humans merge with machine and at least in theory, they will gain immortality through artificial intelligence that allows them to live forever. Most of us? Are not invited to that party. That future won’t be nearly as sci/fi cool, and that is why you must be divided and at each other’s throats and not at their throat. There is nothing new about this other than the technology. Otherwise, it’s the same old story that plays out century after century – Who has the power and who gets oppressed.
But through the lens of the Holy Spirit? Life is the same as it was then, now, and forevermore – perfectly wonderful and purely good. Those of us that are his, the light of the world, have a responsibility to shine in this darkness so that those meant to see past the false reality and find – home – can do so. As if we are lighthouses built upon immovable rock shining our beacon in the midst of the raging storm around us. That’s our job. So you say, “Well Gary, I don’t know how to be a lighthouse. I’m just me, my life is crazy, and I’m just barely scraping by day to day to exist in this mean world. What am I supposed to do? I believe in God, I’ve professed by faith in Jesus, but after that, I got things to do.”
Ok, most people that consider themselves Christians feel the same way, and there are precious few among the gatekeepers of faith that are teaching them how to do their job. Mainstream Christianity has morphed into a large club of self-help workshops and defensive postures against a world that has moved on without them. So, though I’m not a teacher, do not wish or desire to be a teacher or be called one, in this continuing series of Sunday Sermons, I’m going to show you ways that you can begin to see the world through the eyes of the Holy Spirit, and in turn, how you can become the lighthouse the world so desperately needs you to be. What are my qualifications? None. Except the only one that matters – the Holy Spirit absolutely dwells within me. If that’s good enough for you, I hope that we can get some work done together in this series.
We’re going to start with the fundamentals. God 101 if you will. When we do not instill the skills we need to possess to do a job correctly, then what’s going to happen? The job gets botched. <<< That right there is lesson #1. You now know why the church in America is not getting the job done. Its workers do not possess the skills required. What they do possess are snippets of scripture out of context, and a slew of self-pity and self-indulgent sermons they hear, but they do not possess the internal resources they need to be the hands and feet of Christ. So, let’s start building those resources in ourselves on our own. The only teacher you need is the Holy Spirit, and if you start doing the work, the Spirit is going to start teaching. I promise.
Your Task: Begin to fill yourselves with Psalms and Proverbs
Psalms is where we go to learn how to get along with God. Rather important, yes?
Proverbs is where we go to learn how to get along with the world. Equally important if we are going to be worth a lick to God in his service.
You’ve heard the saying “garbage in/garbage out” I assume? We’re going to replace the garbage going in that gives us the output that the world is horrible, and we’re going to pour in God’s eternal truth, which will have the glorious output of – HOPE.
If you truly want to change the way you see the world, start reading (1) chapter of Proverbs and (1) chapter of Psalms every single day on repeat. There are only 31 Proverbs so don’t go thinking you’re done after a month. You just start right back at the beginning again. I’ve been doing that for many, many years now. Drilling that wisdom into my soul.
This is where to begin. The fundamentals of God.
I pray that the right eyes meant to see this anywhere in the world will do so, and I welcome you to comment or ask me any questions you’d like.
That’s me ^^^ above in 2nd Grade. I didn’t like anything at all that day. I didn’t like that it was picture day, I didn’t like that my mother dressed me like that, I didn’t like the Miami Dolphins (that was my older brother’s favorite team – not mine), I didn’t like that we had moved away from my best friend I’d ever had up to that point, Laurie Newsome, and I didn’t like 2nd Grade in general. That face on elementary me? That’s my face when I don’t like something. Not much has changed.
Flash forward to this week in the year 2021, and I was thinking about a songwriter that I very much do like a whole lot, Rhett Miller of the Old 97’s, and a particular verse was in my head. You have to know in advance that Rhett Miller has highly influenced my social media writing style from the very beginning stages. I’d never heard anyone write songs so upfront and common speaking. As if he’s just writing in a personal journal. I was part of original bands creating original music for 30 something years, and we never did that. Great songs, but you never really knew what they were honestly about. But Rhett…he just writes to you like you’re his best friend. I started doing that and it fit me like a tee. I still do. In fact, that’s what I hope this blog turns into. Soooooo, anyway…
Rhett has a song titled, “Stoned,” and within the brilliance leading off the 3rd verse (you can go listen on YouTube if you’d like – Old 97’s/Stoned), is this truly great line, at least to me, where he’s pretending he’s dictating a letter and he says…
Take a letter to God
“Dear Sir, I’m dissatisfied”
The very first time I heard that line so long ago now, Rhett Miller instantly became my favorite songwriter. I’d then go on to discover he has nearly an infinite amount of other incredible lines, too, but that’s the one that hooked me. Because I felt it, but I would’ve never said it. Until I realized – I COULD SAY IT. And I probably SHOULD SAY IT. So, I did. Because God values are sincerity and genuineness in prayer, not a clueless soul mindlessly reciting to the creator of the universe what we think he wants to hear. It really changed a lot of things for me, that one simple little line. It opened up an entirely new path…
I have spent the last few days compiling a list of things that I do not like. Some of them are common to most people, and others make me the oddball that I am, but the exercise of making the list has been quite therapeutic in getting me to see that I hold a great deal of dislikes in this one mostly joyful and smiling person. I should probably talk about that more. So, to spare you from hearing anymore of this yammering…
Here is a partial list (because I’m not sure that this well has a bottom) of things I do not like. Please feel free to share with me things that – you – don’t like. If it’s me or this post? Just be nice about it 🙂
Blown Glass
Brussel Sprouts
Cackling Laughs
Pretentious Sports Cars
February. Like the whole darn month.
Raw Tomatoes
Line Dancing
The Color of Pea Green. It’s just insanely hideous.
Discount Stores full of cheap garbage.
Overcrowded Settings (even before the doom plague came).
Southwestern Design (love the food).
Day Beds
The New York Yankees
Restaurants That Serve Microwaved or Frozen Foods
Cheaply Made Furniture
Nations that Bioweapon the World and aren’t Honorable Enough to Admit it
Social Media Posts that Divide or Hurt
Boring Plates and Drinking Glasses
Having to Wear Prescription Glasses
Being Yelled At
When My Dog Gets All Bossy and Tries to Herd Me
Architecture With No Soul
Ceiling Leaks
Very High Humidity
When it’s Supposed to Snow but only Rains (my hometown is famous for that).
When Fellow Christians Weaponize Scripture and Shoot it at Would-Be Seekers
The Slow Demise of Traditional Church Hymns
Anything That Impedes My Path While Driving
Squirrels That Suicide Dart at My Car
Whippoorwills (my wife loves them – I say, “Shut up already, bird”)
The Screech of our Neighborhood Hawk – Henry. Love him, but the screech is unbelievably annoying.
Temps Above 90 Degrees
When a Major Hurricane Forces Me to Evacuate
Being Placated to Condescendingly
Losing Friend/Family Games or Competitions
When I Just Can’t Seem to Make My Point
Speaking to Large Crowds
Seeing My Daughters Cry
Jellyfish. Sneaky little stinging underwater meanies.
The Smell of 99% of Air Fresheners (They’re worse than the smell you want to cover up).
Bourbon
Ketchup
Biting Into Any Size Piece of Onion
Bathrooms with Single Ply Toilet Paper
People That Refuse To Bend an Inch from Political Ideology
Second Place is for Winners... 