I am a diplomat by nature. What does that mean exactly? It means that organizational success (family, team, nation, whatever) depends on big picture seeing people that can bridge together the best of the whole to create a better than expected outcome for all involved. That requires nuance, and nuance is not something being taught to people anymore. A diplomat will rarely show full alpha because it creates enemies, and enemies create more problems. To win….you do so from second place. Hence the site name.
Ironically, I’ve never met a true diplomatic person that didn’t intend to come out on top in everything, which is an alpha quality. What distinguishes the diplomat from the glory seeker is…the exclusion of the getting the glory. We don’t care about that. We care about EVERYONE WINNING.
When everyone wins, we win, and usually in a grand fashion. But few will ever know the hand we had in the victory. That’s the key to diplomacy…you’re not the winner, even though you are, and you’re left with the cover of beta and move to the next task. Let the “alpha” take the victory laps and be put on the pedestal. A diplomat knows not to get on those things because as soon as you do they start plotting to knock you off. Get it?
Humans are not elk or packs of sled dogs. We do not function at maximum potential that way. If you’re a team of sled dogs you must have an alpha that leads and the others that follow even to death. We humans? It’s far more complicated than that. It must be nuanced.
Do you want to start seeing real victories for your family? Real success in your business?
Here are 7 Ways to Alpha While Disguised as Beta…
- Generous and Impactful Giving Done Quietly
Extremely wealthy people give away a lot of money. That helps us all, but they do it often for nefarious reasons: tax shelters, influence pedaling, and always….for the glory. They want to build their legacy on earth. The hospital wing with their name on it, or the beautiful park with their last name. We want to build our legacy and store our treasures in heaven, not on earth, so we give extremely generously, but few will ever see what’s being done.
When you have the ability to give away your resources (money), your time, or your talent, give without hesitation and do so as impactful as possible. Give directly to the target you wish to receive. You don’t need a vast organization doing that for you, skimming heavy off the top as they do, and playing favorites as to where your money goes. If you see a need, you give directly to that need, person to person, you ask for nothing in return, and you do not publicize the transaction. That’s some super alpha stuff from beta position.
2. Always Put Your Family Above Yourself
Want to alpha your family? Then their needs always trump your own, and their success is your success. There has never been a dad that led from second place that lost his family. In this country of divorce and broken up families, the ones that thrive and survive are led by people that place the need of the family above their own glory and personal achievement. I once had a group of men younger than me in my minivan (at that time) as they had invited me to go to a concert with them. This one guy at least 15 years younger than me asked, “This is a sweet setup but how do you deal with people seeing you drive this thing?” My reply to him was, “Son, they never see me coming. And that’s just the way I want it.” He LOVED that answer, and that’s how you win. Screw what other people think. Your goal is for your family to come out together and on top.
3. Be and Essential Cog in Something Bigger Than Yourself
There are things that are created just to make money, and there are things being created that serve and change lives. The latter requires alphas disguised as betas to be effective. For instance, I served as a drummer in church worship bands for 20 years. There is zero earthly glory involved and zero money doing that on a small church level. But the relationships that were built, the music that was created, and the product we put out for a congregation to worship God, was very real and very very good. I was essential in those teams but only because I knew what we were actually doing…serving in something far bigger than ourselves. Do those kind of things.
4. Shun the Glory
This is becoming a repeating theme yes? Want to really win? That glory is not for you. Always give it away. Whenever I accept glory it always comes back to bite me right in the bleep. Every single time. Alphas have large egos, so if you feed that ego whatsoever it grows too large to control. Pride goes before the fall, remember? Shun the glory.
5. Accept Righteous Discipline Even When it Hurts Badly
This is a big stumbling block for many men and women. When God disciplines us, or sends trusted people around us to do so, we reject that discipline and lash out. Terrible move. That alpha voice says, “How dare you say that to me?” But our hearts know it’s right and that we are being destructive to ourselves and those that depend on us. When I finally began to listen to the voices trying to teach me discipline and give me the straight shooting talk I needed to hear, my life turned around dramatically. Want to be convicted? Read a chapter of Proverbs every day of your life. You’ll learn just how wrong you’ve been.
6. Spend Your Resources on Memories and Not Status Symbols
The supposed alpha move is to buy that fancy sports car that says you’ve made it, or to dump your partner that helped you get there, and bring on a trophy spouse that turns heads when you walk in a room. Hint: that’s not alpha, that’s just punk moves made by punks. That’s not you. Want to do something special with the rewards you’ve earned? Create memories with them. Go on adventures with your wife or husband, rekindle that spark that brought you together. Take your family somewhere magical where you can bond. Do things that matter with your resources, but for God sakes don’t trade the rewards for all that hard work for fool’s gold that destroys everything that got you there.
7. Create a Life True to Yourself
This goes back to nuance. It’s imperative that we know our own strengths and weaknesses and we give ourselves the best opportunity for success. I’d love to be a superstar singer songwriter. I’m not. I suck at both singing and guitar, and I’ve tried multiple times not to suck at them. Ha. But, I’m a great drummer. Accepting who we are and what we are made to do best is the key to a life that we feel good about at the end of the day. An alpha mentality would never settle for anything but being the one that’s out front and leading with glory. A real alpha always stays true to himself even when it’s in a beta position and he rocks it.
I hope someone finds this helpful and it makes sense. Just jotting down some thoughts while on the beach this week 🙂
Gary
Second Place is for Winners... 